Choice.

The most vocal defenders of a certain smartphone platform that accommodates carrier restrictions before the user experience are making lots of the same excuses for it that they made about their choice of desktop, way back while that very choice — with cavalier neglect — was helping midwife the current malware industry that now inflicts itself upon everyone.

Those same new defenders take justifiable pride in having learned how to jailbreak, apply workarounds, fiddle with task managers, run anti-malware utilities, and carry around a bandolier full of spare battery packs. After having chosen from a selection of devices, each of which boast UI variations mandated by the OS licensee. Just what the consumer market needed.

Yes, you finally made it all work. You are formidable and fearsome. And you’re missing the point.

I sincerely hope you enjoy your latter-day-steampunk hobby keeping all of this functional. I want you to enjoy needing to find a new phone sooner because your current one won’t update with the new features you’ll want when you see the preview. Enjoy wasting your valuable energy, time, and intellect solving problems which have already been solved elsewhere. Enjoy being An IT Department of One.™

Knock yourselves out. You’re a minority that often sounds as though you believe you speak for everyone. You don’t. Lots of consumers are tired of all this. Very tired. Especially after having learned it’s no longer necessary.

I know some of you stalwart rebels personally, and I marvel at your great reserves of patience, even as I try to answer your dogmatic criticism of my own, simpler choices. I wish you well, and I hope your platform has a long and distinguished presence in the marketplace. Truly. Just don’t act resentful or surprised when someone in your family switches as soon as possible from the gear you recommended… once they realize how much effort it costs them to enjoy.

Please.

Holiday.

His dead wife’s halo gets bigger every year. His living daughter gets more invisible.

Blood hurts too much. I long to spend time with my chosen family.

Thank you, Mr. Jobs.

I’m fairly upset tonight, having first heard the news, as usual, via Twitter.

The cause of Steve Jobs’ death is of particular interest to me. I’m fairly certain that had he not existed to advance the state of personal computing, I’d have been exposed to a lot more toxic chemicals while employed in print production (and later, design) than I actually was. I’d have been smack in the middle of workplace environmental hazards that would have significantly increased my chances of dying from some form of cancer.

Sure, something like Windows might have come along eventually. But nobody in Redmond would ever have released any product that could excite me as much as the prospect of doing my work on something like the Mac.

At best, I believe I’d be slumming somewhere composing company newsletters in Wordperfect on a proprietary microcomputer while odd news of a peculiar military project called “Arpanet” was percolating into a few oddball computer magazines that I’d never read.

Back in 1980, people who knew me seemed surprised that I wasn’t studying what was then charitably called “computer graphics,” because they didn’t understand that, back then, it was all just math. Didn’t interest me.

I wanted tools that would help me do the stuff I was already doing with type and art supplies. I didn’t want to learn programming to draw wireframe shapes on a green screen and pretend it was artistic.

I was waiting for what Jobs would eventually be working on without knowing it.

I’m very upset tonight that we’ve lost this man. We need a thousand more like him in positions of authority and influence if we’re to survive the problems we’ve allowed far less imaginative individuals to create.

I wish he’d had more time with his family. And I wish we’d had more time to benefit from his good taste.

My jazz hero can beat up your jazz hero.

Previously, on “I Don’t Deserve the Love of this Extraordinary Woman”….

A surprise party was artfully perpetrated by a scheming Wife, attended by several dozen friends, a handful of family, and… oh, right. My Favorite Band.

Some time later, an offer of assistance was made, and with the Wife’s indispensable collaboration, we made the band a new Website.

And a little bit after that, in fact, mere hours ago, lunch happened.

At left: Phillip Johnston of The Microscopic Septet. At right: buhhhhhhhh?

How was your day?

Jump ship? Sure!

The icon that never left.

I’ll bet they were all dancing in the cubicle farms over at Adobe today.

QuarkXpress 4.11 was the mainstay of a lot of shops full of worried older guys. Many missed their chance to switch when InDesign CS2 appeared. Why? Fear and partisanship for a product that didn’t return their loyalty.

That was when QuarkXpress 4.11 began to look like what it was: an unstable patchwork of hacks with a half-decade-old interface and missing needed features. At one trade show I attended then, lines were drawn in the sand by those worried older guys.

Bye-bye, worried older guys.

In the previous decade, I worked in what became a very busy textbook production group that was, by necessity, standardized on QuarkXpress 4.11. We saw InDesign appear, scrutinized its new features, and waited for it to get beyond its growing pains. It did.

We pitched a transition and implemented it. The few people who claimed they missed Quark afterwards weren’t exactly what I’d have called our star players.

We converted as many legacy documents as we could, given what downtime existed. We made good new books with InDesign, and hated having to wade through the muck of legacy files on the few occasions we had to harvest old content.

Sometimes avoiding pain causes greater injury.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one.

Family flees eastern Europe because of rampant anti-Semitism spurred by poor economy and opportunistic right-wing political persecution, then moves to Palestine.

Family then flees Israel because of lack of economic opportunity and the often violent consequences of having displaced existing residents in order to create an apartheid state, then moves to America.

Family settles in America, breeds one generation, and almost entirely embraces America’s opportunistic right wing. Because you never know when you’re gonna need to keep those angry brown people in their place.

In short, having come from a culture which can arguably be described as the loudest, most self-righteous victims of the 20th century’s horrors, we sought a better life, and ended up embracing pundits who blame the victim every chance they get.

Have I missed anything?

The Devil you know.

I’m never going to be the most patriotic person you know. That’s because patriotism is a device used to keep poor people devoted to a team whose victories they can take little, if any, part in.

But if I’ve learned anything from almost fifty-one years spent observing a motley parade of dissociation, ignorance, malice, duplicity, and outright fraud masquerading as authority, it’s that there are lots worse places my parents could have chosen to raise a kid. Makes me feel as though I dodged a lot of bullets.

We hold these truths to be self-evident. But that doesn’t mean they don’t bear repeating. Cheers.

Son of Watchmaker.

I’m Son of Watchmaker. I didn’t know my father very well before he fell ill and died. Can’t say I know for certain that he’d care very much about Father’s Day if he was still around.

And I strongly suspect, in the end, I wouldn’t have had much to say to him about how differently we would come to view the respective worlds each of us had grown up in.

I was not given approval rights on the bear hat.

I last saw him alive when I was six. He died in a hospital when I was thirteen. He’d succumbed to arteriosclerosis and some form of dementia very likely brought on by the toxic chemicals he’d used every day in his work, repairing and assembling watches. I’d been told he was an educated, old-world gentleman who enjoyed discussing the Talmud with his father-in-law, that he had been injured during World War II, and that he had no head for business. What other things I was told about him were a bit subjectively colored to consider reliably reported, knowing the source.

I’m Son of Watchmaker. Bearing little physical resemblance to the few pictures I have of that husky Polish man, I’ve had to figure out what that means. I’m nominally intelligent, enjoy working with gadgets, and have some artistic capability. I try to be kind, but possess a cynical, anticipatory predisposition for  resentment towards perceived injustice. I have no head for business, but can keep very good records of transactions and correspondence. I aspire to spirituality while detesting the shabby, despicable promises of organized religion.

Did I inherit any of this from him? Or was it just the morbid pessimism and a tendency to sweat excessively? I physically resemble my maternal grandfather far more. And he’s the guy I truly wish I could speak with now, as an adult. That guy was a poet. Genial, too. Bit of a cornball.

I’m Son of Watchmaker. Someone let me know what you think that means.

The iPADD 2.

If revenge is a dish best served cold, schadenfreude makes a darned tasty snack when liberally doused with hot chili sauce.

One year after the appearance of Apple’s reinterpretation of Mike Okuda’s PADD, other dim-bulb manufacturers are still struggling to pass off lame imitations with deliberately crippled functionality as devices which ordinary people will want to use. And Apple continues to demonstrate why good design works better than lame marketing with a new gizmo that seems even more like a Star Trek prop made functional. Their competition, sadly, sounds like Pakleds are running those other companies.

What remarkable fortitude it must take for Apple-haters to continuously move their goal posts, shifting their faith and hope in devices like the Samsung Galaxy Tab or the Motorola Xoom (a product that can’t even see its own home page).

I continue to blame Mr. Okuda — and Matt Jefferies before him — for indirectly inspiring the wonderful work that helped set this off.

The best nonbirthday present ever, part 2.

Then there’s this person I met back around 1997 while in rehearsals for Les Liaisons Dangereuses for which I needed tights, which I tried to obtain at a Capezio’s in the Village where this cute girl worked, and… skip ahead about four years to when I married her.

Kellie puts up with a lot of nonsense from me, and in turn I try to be more focused and responsible with mundane details of everyday cohabitation, considering how relatively fewer in number her own quirks tally to. She’s been patiently hearing a great deal of repeated fan-driven anecdotal praise of any number of my personal obsessions since our first date at Mary Ann’s, a lame-ass story cycle which I’m sad to imagine might remind her a bit too much of those her dad indulges in. None of which, however, mitigates a bit the amount of encouragement she gives me to pursue cool stuff that makes me happy.

Predictably, I digress even while describing digression.

* * *

Remember that bit of wonderful news in part 1 of this megillah about my favorite band’s effort to raise funds for a new CD, hosted on Kickstarter? Well, the only delay in my clicking on “Pledge? Fuck, Yeah!” was determining what we could reasonably afford to handle on a reduced income. The level I threw some promise-money at would get me a couple of signed CDs and thanks in the new CD’s credits, which I felt satisfied with. Farther down the list, some lucky bastard who could spare a lot more would get a private performance by the entire band. Such stuff as dreams are made on.

* * *

A more pertinent beginning of this circuitous anecdote begins last autumn, when Kel underwent surgery to remove a tumor on her right parotid gland, an upsetting in-patient procedure that required considerable preparation and recovery. It was  an event I can’t easily write about.

In short, the surgery went well, and Kel recovered nicely. Our dear friend Nancy — one of the more extraordinary individuals we had met during our Year of Living Copelandey — proved as selflessly supportive and helpful as any blood relation I could ever hope to claim. She had met us the day Kel was admitted for surgery and stayed with me throughout most of the day while we waited for whatever happened next, despite her own personal obligations. She was also there to shuttle the discharged patient home, sparing us the cost of an interstate taxi, then left us with enough cooked food for several days. I couldn’t adequately describe how wonderful this lady was, nor could I readily conceive of a way to return the kindness she showed us.

* * *

So it was with little effort that, months later, I readily agreed to assist with what sounded like an acceptable start. Kel would help with catering and decorations for an event that would be ostensibly related to Nancy’s husband Andy’s position at a fairly successful online photo-sharing service; a gallery showing of his photography. I would help the Wife carry supplies into Manhattan. It’s at this point that my critical thinking capability took a back seat to my need for following uncomplicated instructions. My wife knows this.

It “turned out” that our friend Powell from Queens was also due to be in Manhattan that day, meeting his wife and a possible venue host for a comedy cabaret series they produce. Powell would find me near the Port Authority Bus Terminal at a local bar for lunch before heading downtown for said meeting. I did not question why my wife needed me to help haul stuff into town but could somehow do without my help hauling said stuff its last few city blocks before setting it up in what I was told was the only space they could find: a rehearsal hall a short ways downtown from the Port. I merely accepted that this would be a good opportunity to spend an hour or two with an old buddy before attempting to make myself useful to a newer one.

It also never occurred to me how oddly familiar this should have seemed, given events which had transpired almost ten years before. At Kel’s suggestion.

* * *

Re-enactment of lunch.

Powell and I had a nice lunch in an almost deserted theater-district pub, easily reverting to our two-old-Jews-complaining-about-family-and-decrepitude mannerisms, despite the fact that the boy is about as Jewish as I am, say, blonde and German.

On the phone, Kel was complaining about everything/everyone running late over at the space, so Powell and I took more time over a bit more beer and beef. His downtown meeting had been postponed as well, so I inquired — again, on Kel’s suggestion — whether Powell could attend the exhibit. Of course he could. I regaled Powell with the account of my deep emotional debt to the exhibitor’s wife and how she’d taken care of Kel and me the previous autumn as we headed downtown.

* * *

The hall’s building was a lot more impressive than many other rehearsal spaces I’d made use of over the years. We rode up in the elevator with a friendly-looking man who was clutching sheet music. Powell called his wife for an update on their situation as we exited. I remained absolutely clueless. Because I tend to believe  people I love when they tell me things.

I opened the hall’s door wondering only then — characteristically — exactly how Andy’s photographs were going to be displayed in a space that had no specialized provisions for wall-mounted art. Duct tape? Repurposed music stands?

The room was brightly lit. There was no art on the walls. A fairly large crowd of people were all facing the door for some reason. Then they all shouted “HI, MO!”

It was then I realized I knew everyone present. Then I saw music stands at the far end of the room, clustered amidst a small group of nattily-dressed gentlemen bearing brass instruments.

And then, in the beaming faces of my dear wife and of Nancy and of a dozen other folks, I realized I had been disinformed. Again.

Frozen at the door. Image by Betsy Giuffrida.